A review on 'Babywise'

Eliana turns 6 months on the 30th of March so I thought that it was time to do a review on how 'Babywise' worked for us. On Becoming Babywise: Giving your infant the gift of nighttime sleep by Gary Ezzo and Robert Bucknam is a book that teaches you to use parental assessment and Parent Directed Feeding to train your infant to establish a flexible routine and eventually to sleep through the night by 8-12 weeks old.

Firstly, what is true for Babywise babies may or may not be true for other babies. This review is not a comparison to any other type of parenting. Honestly, I haven't looked into any other types of parenting. Nate and I only researched Babywise because we saw the fruit of it with my sister's 3 boys and a few other wonderful families who now have children in high school. The fruit seemed to suit our goals for family so we went with it.

What was the fruit? Babies who gained fairly predictable yet flexible routines and who also slept through the night from 8 weeks old, which seemed to therefore lead to content, well rested dads, mums and babies.

Babywise is not the all in all, it is not perfect, is not easy, there are things about the book that are frustrating, but it is just a theory, and as Nate has reminded me a few times, theories don't always work out in practice. But overall, with perseverance and a lot of prayer, Babywise has worked for us and we are thankful for it.

We will always be learning and we confess naivety and ignorance in many areas of life. Having said that we have made some goals and developed some thoughts and philosophies for family and parenting in the first 6 months. They may change, expand and develop over the years, but for now these are some of our thoughts that relate to why we chose Babywise:

• We are dependant on our Heavenly Father for all things. If all else fails, God never does. He is our ultimate source of joy through our Lord Jesus Christ.
• God comes first, then our marriage, then our children
• We are the parents, Eliana is the child. We have more life experience and wisdom to make decisions than Eliana does.
• Our life doesn't revolve around our children. They join our family and come along with us.
• Children need our love and care. We hope to do what's best for them, even if it's tough sometimes. (Note: Children receive love and care from many styles of parenting. Babywise is what suited our family. It is just a method though and like one mum said "Follow Jesus, not a method.")

Some pros of the book for us:

• Eliana was consistently sleeping through the night - 8 hours by 10 weeks, 10 hours by 15 weeks and 12 hours by 5 months. Many Babywise babies will be quicker, many will be slower. Every baby is different. We decided to take it slow due to some problems with my milk supply. But good sleep did seem to make Eliana a very happy, content baby.
• The great night sleep for Nate, Eliana and me has enabled me to better serve my husband and child.
• The flexible routine allows us to predict each day, gave me confidence as a new mum, and seemed to give Eliana confidence in her mum (she often lies contentedly in her crib waiting for me to get her from her naps and greets me with a grin or giggle of delight). It also allows me to plan times for appointments, friends, grocery shopping, etc.
• Life happens and sometimes we get out of routine. But that's ok because Eliana is adaptable and quickly gets back into routine.
• Eliana goes to sleep on her own and often resettles herself if she wakes up early from her nap. Often when we're out she'll fall asleep on her own in the stroller or pack'n'play and I think this has a lot to do with the routine and established sleep patterns that come with it.
• Eliana is happy to play alone for up to 45 minutes in the morning and at other times during the day. She also loves to play near me and with me. While I don't rock her to sleep, we have heaps of fun and cuddles while she's awake.

Some things to be weary of:

• If you are thinking about doing Babywise, read the 2006 edition (or later if there is one) of Babywise. Ezzo has had to change some information and advice since his 1995 edition due to new research and problems with milk supply and weight gain.
• Even though the latest edition does warn you to be careful of your milk supply, you may think that it won't apply to you. This was my problem. I got over confident and ended up having trouble with my milk when Eliana was 4 months. Perhaps because I got too busy. Perhaps because Eliana was sleeping over 10 hours at night. We don't really know why. But praise be to God that resting more, adding in an extra feed or two, a lot of pumping and taking fenugreek tablets increased my milk supply again.
• In the first 6-8 weeks especially, even when we did everything the book said, sometimes Eliana still cried. To Nate's and my great surprise, Eliana was not a 'textbook' baby :). The crying was HARD to listen to, especially for me. Nate had to hold me back sometimes when we were sure she wasn't hungry, cold, in pain, etc, yet she cried. Hearing my baby cry made my face fall, my body crumple and I would sometimes cry along with her. I would go and reassure her that everything was alright after 10-15 minutes and after a while she learnt to settle herself but sometimes she would go on crying until her next feed. Nothing prepared me for how hard this part of Babywise would be. But Eliana is a little champion and we feel that this hard short term sleep training has paid off wonderfully for us all.
• We always put Eliana down in her crib to fall asleep on her own. This is wonderful... except when we're at church. Maybe it's because I'm a first time mum but sometimes I look with longing at parents with their sweet children asleep on their lap during the service. So I would recommend allowing your child to fall asleep in your lap sometimes. (However, Eliana did fall asleep in my arms for the first time ever last Sunday at church, being completely exhausted at Sunday School. I couldn't keep the grin off my face.)
• All babies are different and I had to constantly remind myself not to compare Eliana with others. My sister's boys were sleeping 7pm - 7am by 12 weeks old and she never had problems with her milk supply. Other babies slept so much better for their naps than Eliana did. Eliana was on the lower end of the weight gain scale. Eliana didn't start cooing for weeks after others started, etc, etc. This is all ok. Our non-textbook baby is the one who God put in our care, and we wouldn't change her for the world! Roll with the punches and the blessings.
• Sometimes, babies have off days. It's ok! That's what babies do:)
• This is my personal review. I have no medical training, and only have 6 months of parenting experience. To be fair, here is a website created by some who have concerns about the advice Babywise gives: www.ezzo.info Here is also a blog by a Babywise mum. Reading it will give you comfort that your baby is not the only non-textbook baby:) www.babywisemom.blogspot.com

Some last thoughts:

• I have heard it's been said that wanting your baby to sleep through the night is selfish. This caused me to examine my heart. Perhaps it's because of my ignorance but as for now my conscience is clear. I thought and still think that a good night sleep is a gift to my husband and child.
• I've also heard that some worry that Babywise prevents bonding and attachment with your child. This couldn't be further from the truth for Eliana and me. We have such a sweet relationship. We light each other up. We have so much fun together. I think that if you love your child and care for them, no matter what style of parenting you choose, bonding and attachment will be inevitable.

I'm adding this comment in 2011, after having my 2nd daughter, Lilah. She is now 3 months old. I ended up struggling to produce enough milk for Eliana right up until she weaned at 12 months. I did all that I could to try and establish a strong milk supply with Lilah, but it turns out I am just one of those mums who has a hard time producing enough milk. Therefore I have two options: supplementing Lilah's feeds with formula; or keeping up the 10pm and the middle of the night feed. The latter is the better option for us, and I'm actually enjoying it :). The hubby and Eliana sleep through, and though Lilah cries for the middle of the night feed, she goes right back to sleep.

(For those with a low milk supply, I recently found that the Indian Spice, Shatavari, really helped. You can find it at a health food store. Ask your doctor/lactation consultant first.)